Flashback to Roma’s
Life
My story is not
very long but is full of sweat, tears and blood which are so intermingled with
each other that it is very difficult to separate one from the other. I am sure
thousands of girl’s belonging to the lower class of our society will identify
with me and will see many things common with my story
Currently I am 33 years old. I was born in a joint
family. My father Mr. Suresh Pandit was a mill worker. He used to spend half of
his salary in alcoholic habits. Other relative got separated from us due to my
father’s habit of drinking. Every alternate day he used to fight with someone,
either on the street or at home. My uncle left the city and settled at Chand
Village, 280 kilometres from here. My aunty got married and went to her
husband’s house. Me and my mother (Kashibai) were left alone.
My education discontinued because my mother and father
did not have money to pay school fees. I used to help my mother with her job as
a house maid, which included floor cleaning, vessel cleaning, washing clothes
etc.
When my father came over drunk, I and my mother used to
hide in a corner of the house because we were terrorised by my father. He used
to beat us a lot. This was my routine till I turned 13 years.
At the age of 14 the cloth mill shut down and my father
was jobless. He got some retirement fund and the house where we lived was
provided by the company. When the company decided to shut down, they also
provided the house to their labour where they were living. Thanks to the
company otherwise we would have been on the streets without a house.
For next one year my father did not find any work and
money was almost over. Other workers with my father were settled. My father
wasted everything in alcohol and lazy life. My mother and me were struggling to
earn doing housemaid job.
One day a friend of my father came to our house with the
proposal of my marriage. My mother said “No my daughter is just 15 years old,
there’s lot of time to think about this”.
He tried to convince my father with attraction of money
and lots of promises like they will renovate our house and help my father financially.
He further said that the boy for marriage proposal has applied for a job in
Railways and once he gets the job you will also be benefited.
My father was convinced and he also convinced my mother.
My mother thought we already faced problems for survival, maybe my daughter
will get a good life after her marriage and agreed to talk further about it.
When the parents and groom (Ajit) came to see me, my
mother and more than her, I was shocked because I was just 15 years old and
Ajit was 34 years old. My mother opposed the proposal. I also protested but no
one heard us and finally I was married to Ajit. In our society women are
considered as commodities and not independent individuals with an identity of
our own. God alone knows when this sorry state of affairs will end.
A 15 year old bride, who was not matured, neither
physically nor mentally, entered a new and strange world, completely ignorant
about what was in store for her
I had faced so much of struggle in life that I could not
enjoy my childhood and now at an age of 15 I was so young that I did not fully
understand the meaning of marriage. I and Ajit were in a room Ajit made
physical relation with me from very first day.
At Ajit’s house they all got up at 04:00 AM and I use to
sleep till 07:00 Am. After 5 days they brought me to my house and told my
parents you have not taught any kind of manners to your daughter to awake up
early in the morning. My father and mother scolded me and I was taken back.
After 1 month of my marriage with Ajit, my private part
pained very much, due to physical relation made at an early age. Ajit and
family took me to a doctor. When doctor checked my health the 1st
thing he tried to do was to call the cops. However the family members managed
the issue and the doctor treated me.
This marriage was just like a prepaid housemaid with free
sex for Ajit. I was never treated like a daughter- in- law. They never used to
take me to any family functions etc. I tried to adjust with Ajit and family for
5 years. Ajit never got a Railways job and started torturing me. So I took
divorce from him and stayed with my mother and father.
At the age of 20 – 21 years I was a divorced woman who
returned to her parent’s house.
In order to help my mother and father, I searched for a
job. I found a job as a trainee nurse in night duty. Simultaneously I got a job
in a ladies tailor shop. Next to the place where I was learning stitching work,
was a garage, where Munna worked as a mechanic. We both liked each other. One
day Munna proposed me for marriage I could not resist myself and said “Yes, I
will marry you.”
There are always hurdles in life. God alone knows how
many hurdles are pending in my life.
Munna’s family did not agree to our marriage because I
was a divorcee and Munna was a bachelor. It took lots of effort for Munna to
convince his parents. I also decided I will never let down Munna and his family
values. Because my family was not in a position to give the dowry I decided to
compensate for the shortcoming with my best behaviour and respect to all as I had
married Munna with my choice.
After a few days I was married to Munna. Here a new kind
of problem was waiting for me. It seemed that Munna’s parents and other close
relatives were still living in the 19th century instead of 21st
century. I was told to cover my face behind a “Ghunghat” (Veil). It was
so cumbersome. I and the other daughter- in- law at home had to cover our faces
when any elder’s or male person was at home. We were required to hide our face
even while doing daily chores like cleaning the utensils, washing clothes or
cooking food. Once I asked why only girls should hide their faces behind a veil
while boys were allowed to roam free wearing jeans and t-shirts?
This question of mine created havoc in the household. The
elders were flabbergasted and screamed at me and ordered me to ask for
forgiveness as, according to them, I had committed blasphemy by questioning an
age old tradition. I did not agree with them but still apologised as I knew
that I alone would never be able to change these out-dated and meaningless
traditions. In spite of all this, I was very much happy that Munna respected
and took care of my parents. I also helped Munna by earning from my tailoring
job. We used to stay in a joint family; the house we stayed in was rented. As
Munna was the elder brother of all he had more responsibly and our dream was to
buy a suitable home for all. There were times when we had to sleep in an auto
rickshaw, by adding small savings we bought a plot and build a small house.
Our marriage had completed 7 years. Munna’s mother and
other family members used to taunt me for not having kids. Later in a medical
test we came to know that I had some problem in my fallopian tube. Doctor
suggested surgery and said that even after surgery, there were only 50% chances
that I could conceive. This was the reason my mother- in- law was forcing Munna
to marry another girl but Munna always refused.
But strangely enough, a great change occurred in Munna’s
behaviour after the surgery. The doctor had advised us not to have any kind of
physical relations at least for six months but Munna forced himself on me, not
only in the nights but in the days also whenever he came for lunch break. When
I refuse to make physical relation he thrashed me like an animal and made
physical relations. This disturbed me a lot but there was nothing I could do
about it. I could not understand how the person, who took care of me and my
family and was so soft in nature, could suddenly turn so bad.
On our 10th marriage anniversary I made a
proposal of adoption of a child. Munna agreed and we searched a few places from
where a child could be adopted. Munna’s family members were against adoption. I
received a call from a hospital saying that a lady is willing to give her new
born baby girl for adoption. I just ran to the hospital. When I met the lady,
she just asked me “Will you take good care of my girl?”
I said yes, and then she asked me how many children I
have? I replied I did not have any child as I could not conceive. The lady
handed over the baby to me and said “I know you can take a good care of my
baby.” After all formalities I brought the baby home. I was not allowed to enter the house with
someone else’s child.
I was again at my parents’ home. Munna came and convinced
me to come without the baby. I was helpless; the lady who gave birth to my
daughter had given false address. Now I could not find her and the small baby
was my responsibility. For a few months Munna often came and met me. One day
when I went to Munna’s house, I came to know Munna was married to another girl.
They all thrashed and tortured me like an animal. Blood was flowing from my
nose, my eyes were swollen. They all threw me like garbage into a municipal
garbage bin. It took me 1 month to recover from the injuries.
I had not yet recovered from all this when a new problem
raised its ugly head, which was how to manage money for household things. As an
adult I could stay hungry or eat anything, but I couldn’t keep the baby hungry.
I accepted a nursing job in night duty. At day time I took care of my daughter
for which my mother was a very much helping hand but she also had to go for her
housemaid job, at night I worked as a nurse. We just could manage our bread and
butter.
After two years suddenly I lost my nursing job. Now when
my daughter had completed 2 years, I had to get her admission in a nursery and
I had no money for her admission and uniform etc. I was just thinking how to
arrange for money and what kind of work I to do. Suddenly my father got a major heart attack
we admitted him at Government hospital. He is in I.C.U. All the medicine is not
provided by the Government, some medicines have to be purchase from outside. I
did not have money to purchase medicine, I had to arrange fees for my
daughter’s school, and I had lost my job. I was terribly upset, that was the
reason I decided to commit suicide but Raju stopped me.
Rest you know. I am still confused about my future.
I did
not understand a little thing of life
Wishes
are made of glass and the world is made of rock
I had
made a wish that I got
A light
which brought shadows
Shadows were deep although the lights were not harsher
(soft)
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